eternal love

eternal love

Saturday, May 31, 2014

May to May

Barren Soul
Black curtains
Don't need the sun 
The storm could last for ages 
As warm as hell on a spring day 
An aimless walk through the park 
And I can't stop feeling detached from the world...

All the sadness and pain,
It's so hard to pinpoint the reasons, 
Uninspired words,
To become part of book 
I'll never truly understated. 

One year ago today;
I spent the night locked inside 
After they kept me for 48 hours
As a threat to myself...

All I could think about was why does it hurt so much.
Why does my pain hurt so many others? 
And how can I heal now, once I've crossed the notion 
Life will never be the same..
Life will never be the same
Life will never be the same, again. 

I was falling down the stairs in my mind
I was shooting myself with a gun I didn't have
What were these thoughts
 And why the panic wouldn't stop?

They prepared medication of the mind 
No short term remedy is the answer 
But I'll keep taking what makes me not want to 
Harm  myself in anyway 
As long as I can get home and explain 
In words that make sense even to me. 

I needed help, I needed help  from somewhere
I was far to embarrassed
I think that ending my life was a bit to drastic 
But when you feel that  depression is a disease
There's no cure for you, you start to think 
You'll always be unhappy 

The rational logic is to accept the fact
That anything can happen at any given  time....
If it isn't fate and it isn't will 
Then some strange  paradox 
That once you think you've hit rock bottom 
There's can be more... and more
But soon you will see
A lot of good can come out of suffering 
Like the way I fell in love and got married... 

Now I want so desperately to stay alive
As long as I can. 

I open up to you. 

Friday, May 30, 2014

The Filing Room

There's a room full of filing cabinets
Each piece of paper has something about me,
A thought in my head, an idea gone to wast
Several documents of contradiction and motivation
Swaying strong to weak each  day...
In the process of understanding. 
To big for human knowledge 

They tried to prepare medications of the mind
But never react with the soul 
Which is a sacred bound  
Between spirit and human form.

I've never gotten the relief I've needed
Like holding a child when he first comes to light
Mother is free from charring... just wants to hold him close. 
And in an insistence
She sings to the child with a name already given 
After looking in his eyes. 

The dark rooms start to open to 
The curiosity of it all.
And though it's springtime now
The summer sun is like the warmth of mother
Doing all she can to make the crib more comfortable.
To make the dreams go away. 

And now in this new generation
Of computers and video games 
A new kind of wealthy, a new kind of generosity
Some money is spent on 3D televisions 
Some money is earned from working many hours. 
Just to keep the family from starving...
Just to keep a ruff over there heads
The bills from piling... 
The things we take for granted... 
I don't like the idea of  money
But what can we do instead? 

In the matter of a 20 minute download 
my room, my life of filing systems 
Is condensed into a USB drive the size of my thumb 
It's plugged into a computer 
And every thought, memory, picture is preserved 
More organized than ever before. 
The light goes out in the filing room 
And just the dust is left from the day I was born. 

The new generation and the old 

In the process of understanding. 
To big for human knowledge 

They tried to prepare medications of the mind
But never react with the soul 
Which is a sacred bound  
Between spirit and the human form.

Thursday, May 29, 2014


I put aside my papers and shutdown my computer
At 4:55... 
I take a deep breathe and close my eyes 
To prepare myself for rush hour.

There sirens in the distance, 
So I know someone has already been hurt...
An incident on the next news paper

Only the bad is printed 
But we are without a doubt 
Slaves to our pointless jobs.

So much more effortless now
To forget all that was wrong, 
Shattered inside, 
To live and to die 
And sometimes suffer
We multiply the pain 
Just to heal a little more...

Winter had gone like the opening of letters 
Mikey's Christmas Carol 
Illustrated the warmth in my  mind 
Of little footsteps walking in the snow
From above brick buildings 
The wind turns the corner...

The footsteps are gone
The snow fallen faster.

The greatest memories of being a child  

So much more effortless now
To forget all that was wrong, 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Free Blue

Free the order to free you're liberation 
Your religion, the Sanctity of which you've become. 
Trapped out of the bottle for 12 years
There 's no cure for what you bare
Each and every day
The same origin of suffering, false truth
True failure on my behalf. 

To keep wanting to let go.
Let go
Let go...
But turn my hands over to the palms. 

In the blue... Use to be spread in the skies
For something to see 
But no one can deliver the drug I want straight into my veins...
For eyes half open 
And clouds half full
Into this path I follow the apple cores... 
Does anyone remember the artist Samuel Palmer? 
Or am I just living inside one of his most famous works... 

They say if you cant get someone to help you, 
You help yourself.... 
Well, in the process of 
Turning the scattered pages,
Fathers I want to feel nothing 
As if nothing is a feeling that does exist..

Deliver harmony throughout this land.
Make the ghosts speak about broken glass
And things that use to be whole
Something different to define me....
Together, I don't always want to feel so small... 

Before I leave the rain to dissolve
On my skin...
The paint dries as the river sound forever. 
The old apple tree of the valley
Remembers every soul whom was creative enough
To become a part of his world, his envision 
Even for a short time.

You've allow your love to grow.
Without freeing the blue...
Blue leaks out slowly over the horizon 
Of pink and orange...
Name the last of colours you see....
And feel.... 

Violet becomes the new mixture  

And you drink the sky down slowly until it becomes dark 
There's no way you can deliver the drug I want 

Straight to my veins...

In order to free my liberation 
My religion, the Sanctity of which we've all become 
Trapped out of the bottle for 12 years
There 's no cure for what I bare
Each and every day
The same origin of pain, suffering

False truths
True failure on my behalf. 

To keep wanting to let go.

Let go

Let go...

But turn my hands over to the palms.

Free blue. 

Sliding Door

Over two hundred decades old 
Little specs to make a whole
View the abstract from afar 
A sliding door, open and closed
Like a pendulum; time as the human race 
Seems like nothing when you watch TV. 

Block out the sun only for this morning
Block out the sun
Sleep when the birds are still. 
Sleep when the meaning is heartfelt, 

Limb to limb the branches graze each other
While the wind took the heavier clouds through my window
Gray over black is all the light I can see
When the moon comes through in a tint of red 
The difference is whole rather parcel ways 

I see the glass sparkle. 
I paint the fragments with my eyes 
In a good sense of humor.

Forgive but never forget. 

(Block out the sun
Block out the sun)
I think I saw mother Merry dressed in blue again.. 
(Sleep when the birds are still
When the birds are still) 
She starts to lay little flower petals down 
Along the gravel road, in and out of the woods. 
I think I saw Mother Merry dressed in blue again...

But for all I know
 I could have left my prayers
By my bedside table...  
Hoping it would storm sometime soon 
So I could hear the thunder closer
Rather than in the distance 
Far behind. 

But for all I know
This could be the epitome of faith 
To just simply believe
Without seeing anything. 

Forgive but never forget.

Written in old English I book mark the page
With all the illustrations...
Knowing one of these is above a church ceilings 
Over two hundred decades old... 

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Palms in Ritual

Water springs a leak from a single drain 
The underwater light baring entity reveals her shape
Cloaked in diamonds and rubies
She leaves one treasure behind...

Undertow, I reach the sand barrels down 
From where I sank before 
Searching with my heads to touch 
What was once help by the beyond
Maybe even a crystal... 
Maybe a cross made from precious stone  

Covered in light my eyes adjust modestly 
As the treasured ruby shines off her finger...
Into my hand for palms in ritual 
And in the shadow of the specter 
Whom starts to sink out of the light 
Into the black whole where we arrived    
Cloaked in diamonds and rubies
She leaves one treasure behind...

Hand printed 
Eligible to see and read
As bold in the illuminated water   
The drain springs a single leak... 
And before she disappears completely 
The ruby slips off her hand  

She leaves one treasure behind...

Love in each of us. 

Friday, May 23, 2014


The sands washed upon the shore 
Synthesized with the seagull's morning call
It seems to last for ages, sometimes even momentary 
It seems to  feel like eternity... 
But who could ever think that far?
For every one knows...knows a smile could go such a long way
For every one knows... the poems we often speak 
Are easier to say... read silently... 
Or alone in a church or cemetery;    
And child's laughter could keep this peace 
Just a second from dying,,,

Open windows on the spring air
Blows through my hair, this doll ache 
Mistaken... a false sense of direction...
Identity crisis, who am I?.. what can I do!? 
I don't care... as long  as you see the road

And if it's clear to us than we go where our hearts are in need, 
Because this blindness is only temporary
Than you filled my eyes with your tears
Just before you took that plain 
The way you look at me now as we're falling asleep.

Incense and candles fluttered out
Synthesized with our anxious hearts
Sometimes it seems to last for ages, 
Sometimes even momentary,,,

But I see no face of depression now
When my eyes are filled with yours.
  My tears,  your eyes.
A hundreds of churches, cemeteries 

Love could go such a long way.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

White Room

Familiar places,
Familiar faces 
Unmistakable grave. 

The assembly of white suits 
Come together on my behalf... 
To stop what has gone wrong
Or maybe has become worst
Since they tried to cure the liver
It keeps showing signs of failure
Maybe these are the bad thoughts taking over again    
No logic when your mind wanders 
Just give me the pills and let me close my eyes. 

Familiar places,
Familiar faces 
Unmistakable grave. 

Here's your new white room. 

Romanticize the Grave

Makeshift boat out to the river like driftwood 
Dreaming in black and white almost every night
This evening the trees have been painted 
The scent of lilac fills the air 
Purple shades in our eyes now it's going to rain.

Remember the pain you feel now 
Won't last forever...
There is strength in knowing the difference 
Time can make. 

The waters reflection
The sky overhead 
Of just a passing shower 
Sprinkling drops upon my face
As we look to the heavens....

On these nights you hold the candle 
For it symbolizes more than just a burning flame
faith, hope, love and so much more 
You can't ask for the riffles of time 
To be healed, the bad memories, invisible scars 
Now just dust we clear away... 

Just one more gap in the rivers formation 
You can read the title of the book now
It's Romanticize the Grave
For we feel more than we could ever see
In a dreamworld or in reality.  
Romanticize the Grave

Heading west towards the sun to see it rise 
Before the dawn 
And then spill through with every colour
That makes us uniquely one 

And above the trees, the ominous clouds 
There'll be no loss from here or after...
Wherever we end up, we end together 
Supporting the souls that are suffering. 

Collection of rain as clear as our eyes can see
Once we've let it all out... 
You can cry on my shoulder
You can wake me up any time and I will be there 
Once we've let it all out
Complete with colour
You can come home and we'll make this place our shelter 
With the river just a distant noise...

Back to sleep
  Romanticize the Grave

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Turn to Amber Light

It's been so long, waiting for the rain to stop 
It's been so long, hearing you voice again 
Makes a sudden jilt in my heart,
The roses look hardly real 
As their standing by your side
The rain can not fail to brighten the garden
I see behind the vial
The sky clears up and turns to amber light 
And a shade of purple derived  
That opens up my heart to May.

We are the only once's allow to speak 
They don't have to speak 
I feel the emotion landscape 
Held in my hands like a canvas brother painted 
(The music of my joy
Spins on record players...
The scratching of a meltron 
Always seems to make her cry.) 

Forever we live trying to make it right;

Train sounds against the day 
Walking down the stairs across the evening rays 
And the piano resonates just so lonesome 
But add her voice, she says she can't sing. 
 Opens up my heart again...

Turns to amber light and shades to romanticize;

No one needs to compare this day with any other
(Brick by brick, stone by stone
The old preschool I attended
Still rests there on elm wood rd. 
Empty of the youngest "looks, up at the sky" 
And dreams of flying weightlessly, 
Drifting into the night...) 

Before the rain comes 
And makes us sleepy.
Before the Catholic priests 
Get good and greedy...
The children grow older 
And forget who they truly are.
If they ever discovered...

 It's been so long... waiting for the rain to stop. 

Thursday, May 15, 2014


Can't remember when they tied my hands
Can't remember when they strip me down to nothing
Villagers throwing rocks and stones 
Can't remember why they whipped my back
And laid upon my head a crown of thorns 
I can not remember the glorious Crucifixion
For the spirit found
More strength to rely on 
It's faith
For human to treat others 
The way we treat ourselves 

Some day's it's a blur 
The pain and the suffering
(Tomorrow always shows
A bright new endeavor)

Sunday's you hold the moon captive 
But late at night 
You feel it's shine more.   

Some day's it's a bliss 
The love and nature's calling  
You hear the same and the walls come down 

(Tomorrow always shows
A bright new endeavor)

For the spirit found
More strength to rely on 
It's faith
For human to treat others 
The way we are one and the same...

I can't remember why they tied my hands? 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014


Don't leave your seasonable knowledge behind now
The train ride is much smoother in the front carts 
Than it is towards the back 

And in my stomach I feel the illnesses
Have their own heartbeat and it's beating way to fast...
Can you slow things down? 
Can you replace my fears with confidence?
Because nothing is getting through anymore...

I'd walk if i could stand on my own two feet again 
For more than 10 minutes 
My child do you remember how it use to be
Catching frogs in the nearby stream?
You're going home now
So swim along the creak 
The water moving behind you 
Until there's no sign that you came. 


Rain falls on me
From an ocean of memories 
Some have yet to be made 
I turn to you 
To us and the universe 
As we're floating through space 
Your boats heavy on the sidewalk
As some clouds roll with thunder 
And a flash of light like a lighthouse 
You have saved me 
With everyday, the earth rotating 
A thought that's unprepared 
Don't leave your seasonable knowledge behind 

You'll see how one life can affect
The lives of so many...

In need for an answer. 

Monday, May 12, 2014

My Bewildered Eyes

My own place of worship 
My own altar
Desk with typewriter and library of books...
Some ink spills through 
On new hand written notes 
A flood of black
I'll never remember how I phrased 
The difficult questions,,,
Belief will substitute the confusion 
Nightmares you are trapped here  
And no one even knows me...
The sun keeps isolating... what I know about you
I open up and left my soul do the deep thinking

Afterall people like to take liberties where they should not

The paragon night is full 
With the moon the colour of my bewildered eyes 
Shapes and patters where the trees make their shadows 
Against monuments and graves...
The Raven bird, Elanor 
Who always visits me, standing on the windows ledge 
The damage of Storm Corrosion 
Weathered away the opening gates 

I look within Marry, through the sheeting black rain
Eyes follow
I can't go wrong 
You hear all the memorable lyrics 
And you brought back down to earth 
Holding red flowers for a tomb freshly dug 

Have you answered my prayers yet? 

I didn't think guilt would follow me...
Not all this time
You put your heart in someones hands
And trust that it will beat just as strong as there's  
All in one piece now, 
Stronger than I use to be but with no will power 
The frailty of my heart in your warm hands...

 The sun keeps isolating... what I know about you.

I'll never remember how I phrased 
The difficult questions,,,
Belief will substitute the confusion 
Nightmares you are trapped here

Wake me up on your shoulders.
Wake me up... 

My bewildered eyes 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Determined Strong

Maybe I've spoken to proudly
Maybe I've shared more than I've gotten 
Maybe there are demons where angel's should to be
Maybe I'm lonely even if I'm loved by many...

My love, determined strong 

I have resisted the urge to give my life away 
Fair chance in all that's likely to be perceived 
There's more written on outside the book 
Than words delivered religiously....

We come together like broken parts
I not afraid to live,
I've crossed the borderline to death
Everyday the reminder is haunted 
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid 
I just need the paradox to fill the wonder. 

I need to know the world I'm in
I need the world to know faith exists 

Maybe I've spoken to proudly
Maybe I've shared more than I've gotten 
Maybe there are demons where angel's should to be
Maybe I'm lonely even if I'm loved by many...

My love, determined strong 

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Otherside of the Paradox

Look on the otherside of the paradox
Do the words "help" haunt you deep, "save me!"
Echo in my prayers 
Your safe another night... 
Curled up in the bed you made
Rest for ages 
With your soul mate hand in hand....

Listening to the left over music in my head
Like sound that resonates beyond its time
And in your mind syncopate with the living 
As the dying don't have much to say... 
At least until your mind's occupied

I'm not happy with the way I've been taking care of myself 

Empty visions of drinking down the poison 
The numbing bliss of all danger gone 
Bloodless but inspired 
The music leaves a heavy mark
I walk through each season
Like an art museum guide 
And it's only until now the heavy rain
Is light on my shoulders 
And the cry for help is just a silent thought 
Each and every one of us drowns out.

Send me down the river. 

More without words the signs of the ones who are gone 
Smile back at us in the reflections
The modest mans words his life endeavors... 
To lift you back in health and leave the demons cursed for evil 
No where near the soul... 

Send me down the river. 

I swear I will take care of myself 

(To the otherside of the paradox)

Monday, May 5, 2014

Day Break

Until the day break
And the shadows flee away 
I ask you if you will unlock the gate
And walk the quiet path in pitch black 
Before the sudden wake 
Chimes that vibrate the soul 
In the pasture two grave sit alone 
Where the trees ascend highest 
And the shade has cover over us... 

Until the day break
And the shadows flee away 

Sunday, May 4, 2014


Vintage photographs of the 1930's 
Fill the floors of this dusty room, apartment 
Spread across the table are old letters 
Where the author conducted them into poems  
There's one where the "I love you" is taken out
Time after time had past... 
But the feelings between two strangers 
Became love after several letters...
Then here voice that fit the face so beautifully
Speaking my deeps words with more feeling than I could

The music in the background of two rooms 
Divided by thousands of miles 
And the ocean in the darkness blue... 
The sun rises first on her side 
While I'm awake until the same sun rise again...

I use to question why love would struck me 
Several times come May 
Never permanent, never real, and just so often out of reach
A trick of the heart for something that ideal...
Does such peace and tranquility exist?
Or do we all find vises to escape the hollow pit?  
But there is comprise between sickness and in good health 
Just like Love and death 
We may never find it complete 
But we never stop believing that it could be; 

A trick of the heart for something that ideal...

The changing of the flowers shadows on the windowsill  
For something to outline the soul
Bounded in a million colours and words to fill up 
Book after book, shelf after shelf. 
To never cover over my heart for the fulfillment
Of everything that is planned for us...

How I handle the suffering is my grace 
How I overcome the fear is letting faith be the master 
One kingdom is our domain 
But as much wisdom there is, we share 
The light can flow throughout our human form 
For just a split second in time 
We are empowered by the love that is inside us.
Given back that old fragility 
To hide with the dust and get swept away 
Every time the door opens up....

And I'm closed inside. 

It's time to get out. 

This time I grow root after root 
To be entwined within the surface 
And branch off high nearing the skies 
Of the same horizon we see now... 
By virtue I'm not scared of dying
Or how much life there is left to life
Because I will always be here
In some brushstroke of paint... candle burning in the wind 
(Book on the grave) 
And a title to be yours forever.

If you'll have me...

I love you Cycy. 

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Passionately Blue

I never thought it could happen to me
Both the negative and the positive
I become shocked, no words to explain
The paranoia; the thought of what it all means
The world's complexities in our hands
And suddenly drifts away
The newpapers at the park only symbolize the date
And that's what I live for... I can't see past the gray
Just ease the mind and body, the storm outside
We hear it coming...

Together we sleep

Don't hide your soul
When the springtime blooms
Don't question my heart
Because it's inseparably yours...

I hide my soul from the memories of the past
(That haunt me, don't haunt me... let it go.)
The nightmares,,,, the could be's
But never so passionately blue
That I can let my soul rise
Into the pouring rain
And back into the afterthought of us.

The pain that brought us closer...
Never so passionately blue...

We hear the songs play in the atmosphere
And the harmony becomes us as well.

I never thought it could happen to me
Now that I'm not alone I don't think of anyone else.

Together we sleep.